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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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But then, just when I think the day can’t get any crazier, it starts to rain. Not just a drizzle, but a full-on downpour. I’m soaked, my notes are ruined, and I’m laughing like a maniac. I mean, what else can you do?

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